Vent

I want to write and want to vent but I don't have the motivation to do so. There's something bothering me but I'm not quite sure what. So onto random other things.

So today was nice. I woke up and spent about 2 hours just laying in bed and reading my book. I'm still working on A Million Little Pieces and it keeps getting more and more intense. When I started reading the book I thought James, the main character, was much older than he really is. It's tragic to read the book of this man who spirals into complete oblivion and he's only 23. It's scary to think that there are really people out there like him. They start drinking and drugs when they're 10. It makes me so sad to think that nobody cares about these people in a sense. Otherwise it wouldn't take them so long to get attention. Though nobody is frequently to blame, it just makes me want to cry thinking about how many people could be helped.

Once I woke up and dragged my butt out of bed, Jamie and I went shopping. I found this adorable tanzanite ring I want to buy and have sized down to fit on my pinky. I'm going to go back tomorrow and see if Bonnie's (my boss) connection is there. Hopefully I can get a good deal on it. After the mall we went to CD City. A great place. They have old, used CDs at 2 for $5. I found some good CDs in there and a quite attractive guy was talking to me. Then we hit up Albertson's for some food and there was another guy who took notice of me. I made some chicken helper for Jamie & I and we watched 2 awful movies. It was a good night.

Today is one of the days where I look in the mirror and I feel truly pretty. It's not supposed to sound conceited, but I'm sure it does come across that way. I just sometimes look in the mirror and hate what I see and want to change so much about me. Today, however, was one of the days where I truly like what I see in the mirror. I know it sounds silly but these are the days that give me the self-confidence I present but frequently don't actually possess. Maybe that's why people notice me when I'm in a strange place - I have the confidence because nobody really knows me and I don't' have to feel like I'm something I"m not sometimes.

I realized today that if Jamie & I end up at different law schools, leaving her behind will be one of the hardest things I have to do. Moving away to UA was hard, leaving my parents & Andrea. However, I know wherever I go my parents will always be in my life and I will see them. Andrea is still a great friend, even though we're far apart. I know that will be the same way with Jamie but it just seems harder. Maybe it was because though I needed Andrea she wasn't such a support system because I had my parents. Jamie, though, has been one of the main reasons I still have my sanity today. Going somewhere without her terrifies me but I know it's something that will eventually happen. I just hope it's later rather than sooner.

I <3>all of my friends & family and I'm so afraid to have to create a new life. I know I will succeed but I just can't imagine leaving behind the people that I have been so close to the past 4 years. I'm afraid to lose the life I know here. It finally started getting good this year after a kind of sucky last year, and now I have to walk away from it. Even if I stayed here, it would leave me. I think that's part of the reason Tucson is unattractive for next year. I just couldn't bear feeling left behind as everyone else moved away and onto other things. I'd still be here in Tucson, within my comfort zone, and feeling alone. I think I just need to move somewhere new.

Okay so I guess I did have a bit of rambling to do - but then again, when don't I? Off to do whatever now.