Bad, Bad Me

I've been a very bad poster. I just haven't had any time. I don't want my blog to fall to the wayside. It's something kind of important to me.

Updates: Accepted to Seton Hall. Deferred from Rutgers. Waiting on a letter in the mail from Seattle.

I have a date with a guy named Mark this weekend. We went out earlier in January and had a really good time. I look forward to it.

School is keeping me super busy. Lots of reading and class attending but not too much homework. I have a whole bunch of papers (which I hope to start a bit soon) but only one final during the actual week of finals. The final I expected to be the hardest has been made take home since the scheduled time conflicted with graduation. I know, quite silly.

Leadership retreat was amazing. Hopefully more on that soon. I'm excited to graduate but so nervous about it. Jamie and I decided today to just let our lease run out at the end of May. That means summer in Phoenix. The high will be having air conditioning and not having to pay any bills. The low will be being away from a lot of my friends and not getting to spend the summer with Jamie.

*sigh* Bed time. Not awake enough to continue to write coherently.

Relaxing

Today was relaxing....read more of my book. Watched some 24. Talked to my mom. Went to see a sneak preview of Last Holiday with Queen Latifah & LL Cool J. Was nothing special and actually I was kind of glad it was free. For a cute, cheesy chick flick (in a way) I didn't enjoy it. I liked the characters but the movie just didn't seem to flow all the time. Plus, the crowd in the theater was miserable. Oh well. I did find it quite amusing that my purse was searched & security used a metal detector on everyone to make sure we weren't bringing in video cameras. It wasn't like it was Star Wars or something. Plus there were 2 secuirty guards that stood at the entrances the whole movie. Silly people! Oh well, now I'm chatting online and staying up later than I should. I guess it's what breaks are for!

From A Million Little Pieces

"This little books feeds me. It feeds me food I didn't know existed, feeds me food I wanted to taste, and have never tasted before, food that will nourish me and keep me full and keep me alive. I read it and it feeds me. It lets me see what my life is in simple terms, it simply is what it is, and I can deal with my life on those terms. A second is no more than a second, a minute no more than a minute, a day no more than a day. They pass. All things and all time will pass. Don't force or fear, don't' control or lose control. Don't fight and don't stop fighting. Embrace and endure. If you embrace, you will endure."

I just liked the quote so I thought I would share. He's referring to a book of Tao somebody gave him.

Vent

I want to write and want to vent but I don't have the motivation to do so. There's something bothering me but I'm not quite sure what. So onto random other things.

So today was nice. I woke up and spent about 2 hours just laying in bed and reading my book. I'm still working on A Million Little Pieces and it keeps getting more and more intense. When I started reading the book I thought James, the main character, was much older than he really is. It's tragic to read the book of this man who spirals into complete oblivion and he's only 23. It's scary to think that there are really people out there like him. They start drinking and drugs when they're 10. It makes me so sad to think that nobody cares about these people in a sense. Otherwise it wouldn't take them so long to get attention. Though nobody is frequently to blame, it just makes me want to cry thinking about how many people could be helped.

Once I woke up and dragged my butt out of bed, Jamie and I went shopping. I found this adorable tanzanite ring I want to buy and have sized down to fit on my pinky. I'm going to go back tomorrow and see if Bonnie's (my boss) connection is there. Hopefully I can get a good deal on it. After the mall we went to CD City. A great place. They have old, used CDs at 2 for $5. I found some good CDs in there and a quite attractive guy was talking to me. Then we hit up Albertson's for some food and there was another guy who took notice of me. I made some chicken helper for Jamie & I and we watched 2 awful movies. It was a good night.

Today is one of the days where I look in the mirror and I feel truly pretty. It's not supposed to sound conceited, but I'm sure it does come across that way. I just sometimes look in the mirror and hate what I see and want to change so much about me. Today, however, was one of the days where I truly like what I see in the mirror. I know it sounds silly but these are the days that give me the self-confidence I present but frequently don't actually possess. Maybe that's why people notice me when I'm in a strange place - I have the confidence because nobody really knows me and I don't' have to feel like I'm something I"m not sometimes.

I realized today that if Jamie & I end up at different law schools, leaving her behind will be one of the hardest things I have to do. Moving away to UA was hard, leaving my parents & Andrea. However, I know wherever I go my parents will always be in my life and I will see them. Andrea is still a great friend, even though we're far apart. I know that will be the same way with Jamie but it just seems harder. Maybe it was because though I needed Andrea she wasn't such a support system because I had my parents. Jamie, though, has been one of the main reasons I still have my sanity today. Going somewhere without her terrifies me but I know it's something that will eventually happen. I just hope it's later rather than sooner.

I <3>all of my friends & family and I'm so afraid to have to create a new life. I know I will succeed but I just can't imagine leaving behind the people that I have been so close to the past 4 years. I'm afraid to lose the life I know here. It finally started getting good this year after a kind of sucky last year, and now I have to walk away from it. Even if I stayed here, it would leave me. I think that's part of the reason Tucson is unattractive for next year. I just couldn't bear feeling left behind as everyone else moved away and onto other things. I'd still be here in Tucson, within my comfort zone, and feeling alone. I think I just need to move somewhere new.

Okay so I guess I did have a bit of rambling to do - but then again, when don't I? Off to do whatever now.

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes

I love this song....I want to find this.

"First Day Of My Life"

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

New Year's

New Years was good. I learned something though.

Lots of alcohol + not enough water = very dehydrated Ali.

I feel like I could drink water until there was none left in the tap.

*sigh* I've been up for a long time. Now sleep.

Christmas Vacation

I'm officially back in Tucson for the next 3 months probably. Being at home for a week was super nice. All I really did was spend time with the family, read, watch TV, and sleep. I slept more in the past week then I probably did in 3 weeks while I was in school. It was really nice to finally get a chance to relax and not worry too much about things.

I got a chance to see Melissa and meet her daughter, Devin, for the first time (she's 4 months old). It was so strange to think that this little baby sitting with us wasn't just somebody else's kid but my friends. I always get all flipped out when I start thinking about how adult some of my friend's lives are. Actually most of my friends have quite adult lives. I don't know if mine is or not. Sometimes I feel quite grown up. I can drink, I live on my own, I'm going to law school next year, I'm almost graduated from college. Then again, my parents still support most of my life, I'm terrified half of the time when I think about the future, I still act like 21 sometimes. Maybe I just haven't had my opportunity to grow up in the way my friends have. I'm not in a relationship, serious or not, which eliminates an area of adultness most of my friends are dealing with. I don't have a kid, thank god (nor do most of my friends). I guess the problem is I don't feel like I'm this old. I don't feel like I should be thinking about the next 30 years. I miss the days where I just knew what was going to happen and that was all I really had to worry about.

*sigh* On to happier things. I had a really nice Christmas. I do miss the big family Christmases back East, but sometimes it's nice just the 3 of us. I got most of the things I asked for and a bit more. I now own a blender which is very nice. I've read almost all of the books I got for Christmas already. So far this break I've read the following:

1) Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin
Very good. I laughed a lot and made me realize I never want to really be a nanny. Also, that some people have way too much money and don't really realize what is important to them.
2) Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
I really enjoyed this though sometimes it was a bit hard to follow along with. Since the writing is done from the point of view of a 15-year-old autistic boy, it can skip around a lot. It had a very unique perspective though. Also, there were some surprises. Definitely recommend this one.
3) At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks
Good as always. Not one of my favorites, but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. I'm hoping Sparks does a sequel to this book following one of the characters like he did with The Notebook and The Wedding. Also, it had the sad twist as normal.
4) currently in the process of A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
So far this book is intense. I'm not a huge Oprah fan but she did well when she put this on her book list. The style of writing takes maybe a chapter or two to get into and the flashbacks are making me curious. Not that I've ever really considered doing drugs, but if I had this book would definitely deter me from experimenting at the risk of becoming addicted. I'm about 1/4 of the way through and the crap the guy is going through detoxing is crazy. Some of the stuff makes my stomach turn just reading about it.

Also I hope to finish Why Men Have Nipples and another book about random information. I'm one of those people who seems to know a random trivia fact about everything so I'm quite looking forward to these books. Also, Kelly bought me Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen for Christmas. I love the new movie so I think I should give the book a try. I'm very excited for it.

One of my other favorite Christmas presents was the movie Crash. I think I find something new in the movie each time I watch it. I completely love it.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I'm still not 100% sure what I'm doing. Last year I was quite sad at the thought of possibly spending it alone. This year I'm not that worried though. What did make me slightly depressed though was the comedy club Laff's. Jamie and Erik were thinking about going to the early 8 dinner show. I've decided not to go to that because it's a bit pricey. While looking up the price for the 8 show I noticed that they also have a 10:30 ring in the new year show. However, there is no 'single' pricing for that show - it's only priced in 'couples.' I guess that would be fine if you had an even number of single friends. Good thing I didn't want to go to that one. It would have sucked to have to say no because I was single. Oh well. Guess they don't' think single people might want to laugh at midnight. (The picture is my favorite New Year's Eve so far. Even though I look awful in the picture, it was just so much fun. Almost all of our friends together just having a good time. It was the New Year's between 1999 and 2000 and we partied like it was 1999).

Well I suppose I should head off to work now or at least get ready for it. Happy New Years!!

Finally....

I just got home from getting dessert and hanging out with AJ. I'm so glad to finally have a decent night worthy of winter break. I'm excited to finish off my 6 straight days of work tomorrow with a nice, late shift. Before AJ and I are headed to Bison Witches for some lunch. I also now have a few New Year's Eve invites. I'm not sure I really want to go out on the town to a bunch of parties being single (that is a mistake waiting to happen right there) but it's nice to know I have options. Either way, I'm off to bed (well TV then bed) but just felt like sharing my happiness for the day. Oh and this will probably be the last blog for a bit as I'll be gone at home (e.g. dial up internet = no blogging) for a while. Hope all my faithful readers (none) have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, Happy Chanukah, and festive new year :)

Boy Problems

Even being single I somehow end up with boy problems. I had a dream last night about an ex. I don't know why except for maybe all the cold medicine I was taking. Either way, to sum it up, he wanted to get back together with me in the dream. When we broke up, it was his decision not mine and I really didn't see it coming. We had been together for a while and it took me a few months to really get over it at all. I'm over it now but at the same time somehow the dream managed to totally upset me. I don't really know why but it did. I had the urge to write a long, rambly E-mail to him like I used to do when we were dating and I missed him or we had fought. However, being wise in my old age I'm writing a blog instead. I guess it just hurt so much because I do miss having him as a friend in my life. I miss having that person who knew everything about me and exactly what to say the second a tear started to form in my eye. *sigh* I think I'm just being all lonely while being sick. I know for sure we're better off not being together. If we had stayed together we'd still be stuck in an immature relationship and we wouldn't have been able to grow the way we have the past 2 years. I never wish we hadn't dated but sometimes I do wish that it had ended a bit more amicably. I can blame myself for letting it end not so well because I was the upset one and the one who had problems dealing with it. Oh well. Time to get ready for work and do some chores that have gone undone due to me being sick.

Sick again

I'm sick again. I quit. I'm tired of being so stressed and not sleeping enough so I'm always sick. Boo on school and work and having a life this semester. I just want to go to bed. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I'm going to do now!

Cute Quote

From Kiss the Bride (a very cute movie though somewhat like My Big Fat Greek Wedding):

"And Geoff, it is very apparent to all of us that she's found strength in herself through you and through your love. I just wonder how it feels to just love somebody like that. To just trust that that person is the person that you're gonna be with for the rest of your life. Just to say that and -- and to mean it."

Awwww....

Valpo

So when I got home from a long day at work today there was a big white envelope in my mailbox. It was an acceptance letter from Valpo. Now I'm not particularly inclined to attend this school (especially without any offer of a scholarship), but I'm very excited to see an acceptance letter. Since it was my first decision letter, I'm super excited especially because it was an acceptance one. I find it amusing because if I choose to accept my tuition deposit is due April 1. However, William & Mary and Oregon mail out their decision letters on April 1. I understand that since they let me know early I should make a decision, but I like to keep options open. I full expect both of those schools to reject me, but it would be quite a dilemma if all of them were in my top choices. Good thing they're not :)

Finals

Finals are over! I'm so excited. I know I have an A in Presidency which is nice. There's no reason why I shouldn't have one in Terrorism also. Now we just have to wait for grades in Inequality and Federalism. The Federalism final was a giant pain in my ass. Jamie & I studied for probably about 15 hours. We had to memorize 60 USSC cases. I'm sure that is nothing compared to what law school will be like, but this was difficult. It's also the end of the semester and I'm pooped! I'm so glad to finally be done. The downside is that I work almost 40 hours next week. It's just a lot. Luckily, they're almost all night shifts. That means I can sleep in and such but parking will be awful. I'm off to start a book (for pleasure not a textbook) and get some sleep!

Finals

So I'm trying to get ready for finals. I have no idea how I've survived 3 years of college so far. My motivation level is 0. I don't know what will keep me going next semester. Hopefully something good. I also don't know why I think I can do 3 years of law school starting in August. I think I have lost my mind. Will somebody please give me some motivation? I feel so irresponsible because I've even let my grades slip this semester. Nothing awful but I will probably have my lowest GPA for a semester this one. I blame all the studying I had to do for the LSAT all summer and in the beginning of school. That's why I stopped reading textbooks and studying and being a good kid. Boo on school. I want to go and sleep for a few years now and read books that aren't required!

Feeling Pretty

The other day a friend told me when she first met me she was intimidated by me. I could not figure out why for the life of me. I'm 5'4" and not very buff looking. She has a good 4 or 6 inches on me. Why be intimidated by little ole me? Well she informed me that when we met (back in August) and saw me sitting across the room she thought I was very pretty (I should mention that she is 100% straight and this was one of those random conversations friends have). I also knew what I was talking about in the meeting. When she found out she would be working with me she felt uncomfortable. I guess I never realized that about myself. Though many of my friends have told me I'm pretty and such I figured it was one of those things where someone becomes more physically attractive after you know them. To hear it from a girl and one who did not know me, was quite flattering. Knowing someone who has become a close friend and is that honest with me is so nice. Also, since I consider her to be beautiful herself, it was quite a compliment. Its funny how sometimes the most off-handed comments can really make someone's day. Its' kind of changed my perspective a bit. I never thought of myself as put together and attractive but lately I've been receiving lots of compliments. Maybe it's because I finally feel like myself. I know that sounds weird but I think I finally have slipped into my skin. I'm fairly comfortable with who I am. I know where I stand on most topics and I'm not afraid to express my opinion anymore. I have a sense of accomplishment as I'm preparing to graduate in May and head off to law school. Wow. It's so amazing to feel like your own person. What is the best about it is that I've discovered it almost all on my own (with a little help from my friends) and I know when I move to where ever I am going, I will still be me.

Seattle

Before I ramble on about Seattle, I just want to share that sometimes I can be an idiot. Today I woke up at 8:30 thinking I had to be at work at 11. I got ready, did my hair & makeup, got dressed....as I was about to walk out the door I glanced at my calendar and saw that I didn't have to be at work until 2. I guess I can get some studying done this morning now. I'll leave around noon and go get the last bit of my Christmas shopping done and get that over with. At least that's an advantage. I hadn't planned on doing anything until after work today so I suppose it's a good thing I'm an idiot today. At least I didn't show up to work that early.

So Seattle. I fell in love. Now I have a huge decision. I loved the city, the people, the weather, and everything about it. However, Newark still has my family& friends close by and NYC is right there. Plus, the Jersey shore is much better than any other beach anywhere. Now I guess it really comes down to who accepts me and which school gives me more money. I think my top rankings have been rearranged. Seattle jumped to #3 and knocked Seton Hall down to #4. So....my trip.

Friday we arrived around 11:30 to the hotel downtown. Mom & I checked-in and then walked across the street to a place called Reza's. It was just a little fast-food pizza place but it was tasty. I met the owner Reza and he told me a bit about Seattle and was impressed that I even had a chance to get into Seattle University. After lunch, it was time to split ways. Mom got a cab to the lab she had to go visit for work. I got a cab and took it to SU. I say it so casually but sadly I was petrified of it. It was my first time in a cab alone. It was also the first time I had ever been alone in a city I wasn't familiar with. In Tucson I go out all over the place alone all the time, but I also know where I was going. I was such a dork. Either way, so I spent about an hour wandering around the campus (in my cute jacket!). I had decided to walk back to the hotel (in part because I was afraid of having to call a cab company and figuring all of that out). So I started to walk and up hill. I was walking and walking and enjoying the neighborhoods. I was reversing the walking directions from the hotel to the law school. Well, somehow (probably due to the idiot in me) I got confused. Instead of walking toward downtown (and all the big buildings, you think I would have noticed) I was just wandering through neighborhoods. Well after a while I was pretty sure I had been walking for a bit and wasn't recognizing anything from the cab ride...it didn't look remotely like downtown. So I get out my trusty little map from the hotel and find out that I have successfully walked off the map. Given it wasn't very big but I had a slight moment of panic of what was happening. Trying not to look like a lost tourist (since I was getting the distinct feeling I wasn't fitting in in that neighborhood judging by looks I was getting), I decided it would be best to walk back to campus. So I trudged my way around more and eventually found a corner that was on the map. From there I stopped in a little door entry way and found the way back to the hotel. I walked my way back and enjoyed the whole Seattle area. I saw lots of shopping places and fun things I would have loved to stop in. At that point though I just wanted to return to the hotel. I got back to the hotel around 3:30. I had been walking since about 12:30. I was a little chilly and sad my toes were kind of damp in my shoes. I still had a great time.

When I got back to the hotel Mom was already there and we sat around relaxing talking about our recent adventures. Mom and I decided to go to the Space Needle that night. Well we got on the shuttle and accidentally got off at the wrong stop in Westlake Center (the big, downtown shopping district). We wandered around and saw all the shops. They were having a carolling contest that night though so very quickly the area filled up. Since Mom had hurt her knee a few weeks earlier we decided to go back to the hotel. We called the shuttle to pick us up. However, while we were waiting in front of Sephora the police closed down the street. We called the hotel and eventually decided on a new pick-up spot. The poor shuttle driver had to deal with awful traffic and took about 45 minutes to come get us. We get in the van and it turns out we were like 5 blocks from the hotel. Had they told us, we would have happily walked. By the time we got back to the hotel around 7:30 we both were pooped. We had woke up around 4:30 AZ time (3:30 Seattle time) and only slept for about an hour on the plane. We ordered some take-out, ate dinner, and fell asleep.

Saturday was very exciting. We started out the morning by heading to the Space Needle. We were going to take the monorail over but it was closed due to maitenance (in other words, it had crashed the week before). We wandered around by the Space Needle for a while. There was a mini theme park type area near it. It was of course closed due to the coldness and damp weather. Mom asked if I wanted to go up in the Space Needle (forgetting I'm afraid of heights). We had a good laugh over the fact that we both were planning on going up because we thought the other one wanted to. Turns out we decided not to do that adventure. We also wandered around outside the Experience the Musice Project and the Science Fiction Museum. They both looked neat but we were on a schedule and had many other things to do! We walked across to the Duck tour place (one of the tours that takes you around in a bus but also goes into to the water). They weren't leaving until about 1 so we would have had an hour and a half with nothing really to do. So instead we caught a cab and headed over to Pike's Place Market. Mom had a fun time going down a hill. We wandered around in the market and checked out the Sound. From the Market I saw an aquarium! With nothing in particular to do except experience Seattle we decided to do that. It was super neat and something kind of relaxing and not crowded to do. Afterwards we caught another cab (no public transportation with Mom's knee) back to the hotel. We hung out in the bar and once it opened we got a drink before heading back to the airport. Though we were only in Seattle for 2 days (barely) it was something I really enjoyed. Even if I decide not to go there, I hope to go back on vacation when I have some more time. I really would have liked to have spent more time there, but that's for next time.

*sigh*

Just a random rant of the day.

I'm getting tired of being single and being one of my few friends left that still are. It can be depressing and lonely, especially with the holidays. I just want somebody to go see Christmas lights with and walk around in the cold but be all bundled up with. If I had a fireplace I'd be sad that there was nobody to sit by the fire with me, so good thing I don't have one :) So to all you other people out there that get lonely this time of year, know you're not alone.

I'll write about Seattle some night when it's not 2 AM & I'm not exhausted.

Bad Blogger

Hahaha so I've been a bad blogger and not posting. However, I truly have not had the time to sit down. This one will be short because I have a meeting to run in a bit. Today has been quite long and I anticipate Thursday being long again. On a high note though I think I'm heading up to PHX again at around noon so I'll beat all the rush hours. I'm excited for Seattle. I got some warm clothes while shopping in PHX after Thanksgiving so that's nice. Thanksgiving was also really nice and I got to eat lots of good food. That's always a high note. Even better, I got to do all my laundry for free. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give a college student - free laundry. I'm getting anxious for law school results. Everyone keeps asking where I'm going and that does not help with the stress level. I already am stressed enough without having to say "I don't know" all the time. Okay time to go watch some TV before my meeting. I heart NCIS.

Signing off.....for a few days

Though I have just started I will be gone for a few days. I'm leaving tomorrow right after work for Phoenix for Turkey Day and will be back over the weekend. I got a postcard from Seattle telling me they requested the LSDAS report and a letter from Valpo thanking me for applying. Also, I E-mailed the guy I talked to at the law fair from Valpo as he asked and he E-mailed me back saying he was "excited to read my application." I love the standard responses. I got a mailer from Rutgers @ Camden. I'm glad I decided not to apply there though after the new crime rankings. They beat Detroit for the second year running. Hopefully Newark won't be that bad *crosses fingers*. Okay well I'm off to watch some NCIS and then hit the sack. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving to my non-existent readers :)

Feeling Domesticated

That's me and my dad at my cousin's wedding. It's one of my favorite pictures of us.

So today was actually semi-productive. The co-worker didn't even call about going to see Harry Potter (quite disappointing). However, I am going tomorrow night with a friend assuming I'm not dying after spending a day at school. I got most of my paper for my American Presidency class edited. I caught up on making note cards to study for my Federalism final too. I felt like Jamie was my sick kid today. I made her lunch and dinner (me making 2 meals at home in the same day is a total rarity). We also watched Noel which is possibly the worst Christmas movie ever. I don't recommend it. Ehhh, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. On a high note my 3:30 class is cancelled which will make the day nice. Okay off to sleep.