Bad, Bad Me

I've been a very bad poster. I just haven't had any time. I don't want my blog to fall to the wayside. It's something kind of important to me.

Updates: Accepted to Seton Hall. Deferred from Rutgers. Waiting on a letter in the mail from Seattle.

I have a date with a guy named Mark this weekend. We went out earlier in January and had a really good time. I look forward to it.

School is keeping me super busy. Lots of reading and class attending but not too much homework. I have a whole bunch of papers (which I hope to start a bit soon) but only one final during the actual week of finals. The final I expected to be the hardest has been made take home since the scheduled time conflicted with graduation. I know, quite silly.

Leadership retreat was amazing. Hopefully more on that soon. I'm excited to graduate but so nervous about it. Jamie and I decided today to just let our lease run out at the end of May. That means summer in Phoenix. The high will be having air conditioning and not having to pay any bills. The low will be being away from a lot of my friends and not getting to spend the summer with Jamie.

*sigh* Bed time. Not awake enough to continue to write coherently.

Relaxing

Today was relaxing....read more of my book. Watched some 24. Talked to my mom. Went to see a sneak preview of Last Holiday with Queen Latifah & LL Cool J. Was nothing special and actually I was kind of glad it was free. For a cute, cheesy chick flick (in a way) I didn't enjoy it. I liked the characters but the movie just didn't seem to flow all the time. Plus, the crowd in the theater was miserable. Oh well. I did find it quite amusing that my purse was searched & security used a metal detector on everyone to make sure we weren't bringing in video cameras. It wasn't like it was Star Wars or something. Plus there were 2 secuirty guards that stood at the entrances the whole movie. Silly people! Oh well, now I'm chatting online and staying up later than I should. I guess it's what breaks are for!

From A Million Little Pieces

"This little books feeds me. It feeds me food I didn't know existed, feeds me food I wanted to taste, and have never tasted before, food that will nourish me and keep me full and keep me alive. I read it and it feeds me. It lets me see what my life is in simple terms, it simply is what it is, and I can deal with my life on those terms. A second is no more than a second, a minute no more than a minute, a day no more than a day. They pass. All things and all time will pass. Don't force or fear, don't' control or lose control. Don't fight and don't stop fighting. Embrace and endure. If you embrace, you will endure."

I just liked the quote so I thought I would share. He's referring to a book of Tao somebody gave him.

Vent

I want to write and want to vent but I don't have the motivation to do so. There's something bothering me but I'm not quite sure what. So onto random other things.

So today was nice. I woke up and spent about 2 hours just laying in bed and reading my book. I'm still working on A Million Little Pieces and it keeps getting more and more intense. When I started reading the book I thought James, the main character, was much older than he really is. It's tragic to read the book of this man who spirals into complete oblivion and he's only 23. It's scary to think that there are really people out there like him. They start drinking and drugs when they're 10. It makes me so sad to think that nobody cares about these people in a sense. Otherwise it wouldn't take them so long to get attention. Though nobody is frequently to blame, it just makes me want to cry thinking about how many people could be helped.

Once I woke up and dragged my butt out of bed, Jamie and I went shopping. I found this adorable tanzanite ring I want to buy and have sized down to fit on my pinky. I'm going to go back tomorrow and see if Bonnie's (my boss) connection is there. Hopefully I can get a good deal on it. After the mall we went to CD City. A great place. They have old, used CDs at 2 for $5. I found some good CDs in there and a quite attractive guy was talking to me. Then we hit up Albertson's for some food and there was another guy who took notice of me. I made some chicken helper for Jamie & I and we watched 2 awful movies. It was a good night.

Today is one of the days where I look in the mirror and I feel truly pretty. It's not supposed to sound conceited, but I'm sure it does come across that way. I just sometimes look in the mirror and hate what I see and want to change so much about me. Today, however, was one of the days where I truly like what I see in the mirror. I know it sounds silly but these are the days that give me the self-confidence I present but frequently don't actually possess. Maybe that's why people notice me when I'm in a strange place - I have the confidence because nobody really knows me and I don't' have to feel like I'm something I"m not sometimes.

I realized today that if Jamie & I end up at different law schools, leaving her behind will be one of the hardest things I have to do. Moving away to UA was hard, leaving my parents & Andrea. However, I know wherever I go my parents will always be in my life and I will see them. Andrea is still a great friend, even though we're far apart. I know that will be the same way with Jamie but it just seems harder. Maybe it was because though I needed Andrea she wasn't such a support system because I had my parents. Jamie, though, has been one of the main reasons I still have my sanity today. Going somewhere without her terrifies me but I know it's something that will eventually happen. I just hope it's later rather than sooner.

I <3>all of my friends & family and I'm so afraid to have to create a new life. I know I will succeed but I just can't imagine leaving behind the people that I have been so close to the past 4 years. I'm afraid to lose the life I know here. It finally started getting good this year after a kind of sucky last year, and now I have to walk away from it. Even if I stayed here, it would leave me. I think that's part of the reason Tucson is unattractive for next year. I just couldn't bear feeling left behind as everyone else moved away and onto other things. I'd still be here in Tucson, within my comfort zone, and feeling alone. I think I just need to move somewhere new.

Okay so I guess I did have a bit of rambling to do - but then again, when don't I? Off to do whatever now.

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes

I love this song....I want to find this.

"First Day Of My Life"

This is the first day of my life
I swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Now I don’t know where I am
I don’t know where I’ve been
But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But I realize that I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you had just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me
With these things there’s no telling
We just have to wait and see
But I’d rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time is different
I mean I really think you like me

New Year's

New Years was good. I learned something though.

Lots of alcohol + not enough water = very dehydrated Ali.

I feel like I could drink water until there was none left in the tap.

*sigh* I've been up for a long time. Now sleep.